Dear Customer,
I like kids. I really do. I have four nieces and nephews that I dote on and adore. I hope to have my own children sometime in the near future. But in my store, your rugrats are not cute. They are disruptive and dangerous. They are a nuisance to me and to the other shoppers. Please stop letting the little brats run about, and by all means DO NOT let them push your shopping cart. You will have to restrain me if they’re wearing those hateful wheelie shoes. This is millions of dollars worth of irreplaceable merchandise. If your kids are well-behaved and unobtrusive, terrific. But if you want to inject your kids with sugar and take them out to play, please take them to a park or to the Funland at McDonald’s. I’m sorry. But your obnoxious brats are not welcome here.
Meanie!